(WELL IT ALMOST RHYMES and I don't have time for your hoitey-toitey grammer rules anyhoo.)
There are times when I clean house purely as a procrastination method. I will pay the bills and write those thank you letters today! .... Right after I scour the bathtub and huff the mixing chemical fumes, followed by changing the sheets and vacuuming the furniture. Then I can really FOCUS on those letters. Yeah....
Today, yes there are all the loose ends, the week is almost starting and shit-I-have-15-things-I-need-done-by-8p.m.-tonight. BUTT, by which I mean but, I am really trying to keep a positive outlook on things and it is very hard to get my ass aligned with the universe when there is fucking cat spit-up on my floor.
And the truth is I despise cleaning. I pawn it off on anyone else I can. Hell, I even paid a pretty penny for a young, energetic, sanitizing goddess to come in a month ago and go to town on my place. And it changed my life (on a stack of Bibles). I was able to relax when I came home from work, not immediately going into a litany of cleaning jobs to foist onto AM the moment my eyes rested on the crumbs on the chair or the cat hair wafting in the summer evening breeze by the open window. That appears to have a dirty hand-print on the sill -I SWEAR TO GOD I HAVE MAIMED FOR LESS PEOPLE.
Where was I? Oh right, becoming one with the cosmos. The truth is for all my attitude and tone I really am feeling motivation most days to make something meaningful out of my time. Put myself out there more, tell people that they are important to me, talk to the cashier at Safeway about her niece and nephew, and staying on top of the dust quotient at home makes those overtures that much easier to come by.
Not to say that I didn't snark about the guy who's ample front and backside were spilling forth from all his articles of clothing as he bought bacon. I still live in an elitist bubble most of the time, entry into which requires various hazing procedures, etc. And certainly not to say that I don't heave a great big sigh, as dramatic and herculean as they come about the toils of life, the blue days, the cobwebs so high up the wall we can't reach them. Those suckers can really get a girl contemplating the gloomier elements of conscious living.
Further, I have to physically restrain myself from accosting anyone who walks around with the phrase "turn that frown upside down" or statistics about the number of muscle it takes to "make those sad faces." I wonder how many muscles it takes me to bitch slap the positive out of you? Yeah, so I am kinda on shaky ground in regards to taking "character flaws" and turning them into "attributes." Which is a conversation I have had twice in the last two days.
Just as long as I don't become one of THOSE people. I remember this gal from college who's sunny disposition knew no bounds. She had a smile on her face at all times and was quick to attribute anything nice or pleasant to the grandeur of God. She, on numerous occasion came up to me and stated "Aren't you just so thankful for today! God really is an awesome God." Then she would turn on her Keds clad feet and bounce away with the smile that only someone on the good shit should have. We called her God-Girl and it was not in a complimentary way. She was straight-up possessed.
That ain't gonna happen in my world anytime soon. What I am actively working on is setting goals and the stage markers to know where I am in relation to those goals. I had focused for so long on just getting employed, just staying healthy for a few months, just scraping by that I forgot all about drive and motivation and.... Well, let's face it, thinking about a future in a realistic way at all wasn't even on the table 6 months ago. Now it is and I am enjoying it.
Of course first I really must finish the dishes before I start planning my slow, but determined accent to the toppermost of the poppermost.
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