Wednesday, April 7, 2010
There Was An Old Woman Who Lived In A Studio Apartment. And Her Name Was Stoleyourprozac.
I am getting old.
Okay, not really, because come on, I'm only 28 years along, but I am going to drop a bomb right here, right now. I have white hairs. WHAT THE OLDER-THAN-I-FEEL-IS-FAIR FUCK? The other week I leaned into check out my extensive roots (hey, I am a red-head, but I like to amp it up a few notches) in my bathroom mirror to see if I can pull off a few more days/weeks of lazily not attending the disparagement between dyed and real. I decided, hells yes I can. As I pulled away from practically smooshing my face against the cool mirror I caught a little gleam in my hair.
What was that magical shimmer, I wondered.
I leaned back in. (Feel free to imagine the Jaws music playing in the background or some creepy CSI kinda tunage.) I saw it again. Right there, in my bangs. I innocently wondered if I had some blonde in my hair again. HEY, IT COULD HAPPEN. However, it did not happen. I believe I said " Oh, fuck me" when I realized this hair was white.
I SAW ANOTHER ONE. HOLYFUCKINGSHIT, I CAN'T REALLY HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW, SO I AM JUST GOING TO HYPERVENTILATE ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR.
When I regained consciousness (it was touch and go for a good 10 minutes) I clung to the sink with one hand and rapidly plucked with the other. OUT DAMN SPOT kinda stuff was going on in my mind.
I had to get these suckers where I could really see them and confirm the shocking whiteness that was happening. If I had a microscope I would have spit on a slide, slapped those hairs down and dropped some biology knowledge, but as it turns out I got a C+ in biology and I do not own fancy science paraphernalia.
But don't worry that they are all gone. Oh-ho-ho noooo. There are more of them. Taunting me. For a week I sort of FREAKED OUT ALL THE TIME, but now I am embracing these thin wisps of I-am-closer-to-death-than-a-day-ago thingies. It could be a pretty striking look don't you think?
I mean Bonnie Raitt straight up rocks the skunk stripe. I'm thinking I could do the same.
Posted by I Love You To Madness at 5:12 PM