Thursday, September 11, 2008

How Anna Learned (again) That She Has No Impulse Control

This is what went down.  I have been eating very healthy lately and am generally trying to take good care of my body.  With me back in the car driving from client to client I tend to forget to bring healthy snacks/lunches, but so for I have only eaten at a restaurant once.  I am very proud of this.  The urge for something greasy, deep-fried, or dipped in chocolate came over me today though.  Instead of hightailing it to the nearest Carl's Jr, I pulled out my cliff bar and dried fruit bits and noshed on that.  And it was super tasty.  Crisis averted, right?  HA!  of course not.
I get home from work today and AM talks about the delightful cheeseburger with grilled onions he had for lunch.  My stomach started yelling at my brain "bring me low-grade beef with fries!!" rather loudly and after two hours of trying to reason with my belly, I totally broke down.  I dropped AM off at the Torch Club for his Thursday gig and sure enough hightailed it to.... McD's.  I know, I know!  I am just as ashamed to know me as you are.  

I do the drive through, because if you are going to be lazy and fat and gross, you have to go all the way.  I roll up to the pick-up window with my stomach singing joyful little ditties about the magic of hydrochloric acid and who knows what else.  The lady hands me a bag of food and a large coke.  

Me: Oh, I ordered a medium coke.  This looks like a large.
Big Lady w/ Crazy Blue Eye Shadow: Thas what your order says.
Me: Are you sure?  Maybe this is someone else's...
BLw/CBES: You had the double cheeseburgers, right?
Me: Yes (technically I only ordered one, but I felt correcting this lady on her grammar at 8:15pm on a Thursday night was ill-advised)
BLw/CBES: Well then this is yours.  Just take it, kay?
Me: Roger that.
BLw/CBES: What you say?
Me: Nothing.
BLw/CBES: okay, well have a good day.
Me: Night. It's nighttime.  (shit, I am such a prick) Thanks! 

I drive away, berating myself for being such a snob and, as we all do, blindly reach into the bag of grease to retrieve a fry.  The bag feels really full.... Come to think of it, it was pretty heavy when she handed it to me.  All I ordered was a double cheeseburger, a medium size fries a small choco shake and a medium coke.  I come to a stop at a red light and peer into the bag.  Holy shit 'n spin!  There is a large fries and Three (count them 1, 2, 3) double cheeseburgers.  Clearly this was not my order, or someone in the control room of the McD beast punched some pretty wrong buttons.  I am nearly home at this point and I realize I have absolutely no intention of going back and notifying BLw/CBES that my order was all jacked up in my favor.  

I settle in with the cats to eat and leave grease stains on the book I am reading ('The Origins of the Second World War in Asia and the Pacific' if you were wondering).  Now is when I advise you to avert your eyes if you have a weak stomach.  Here is how it tallied up 20 minutes later: I ate all the fries, drank all the shake, 75% of the coke and consumed 2 1/2 double cheeseburgers in one sitting.  Holy Gluttony Batman!!  It was like I couldn't stop!  

Now my stomach is whimpering in defeat and I am staring down at my food-baby belly, scared that some Mc-alien creature may pop out at any minute and start tap-dancing on my coffee table.  

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