Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Time Is On My Side (I Wish It Would Get Off)

This was the subject line to an email to a friend, but only having one person read it was not enough to satiate my desire for attention regarding tiny witticisms. That pretty much explains why I have a blog at all, now that I think about it. Also, I have a lot of time to dawdle away lately.

BUT, I have some hopeful news on the job hunt front, and although I realize saying anything about it on such a public forum might potentially jinx it, I just have to gush a little. It is one of those perfect storms. (Which is meant to be a positive metaphor, since I love the rain. Keep up, people.) I really want the job and I have someone with a notable amount of clout advocating for me. It feels awfully nice to have some hope about employment for a few days, even if it doesn't pan out in the end.
I am currently listening to a band called Royksopp, and even though I am about a decade late on the pick-up (their album Melody A.M., which is the one I am listening to, was released in 2001), the light use of auto-tune is not driving me batty. No small feat.

Have we established that this is going to be another directionless entry? I think so, but I just wanted to clear that up incase you were wondering.

My band's first real show is tomorrow and I am sort of vibrating with slightly elevated adrenaline levels. I am walking around doing my normal to-do items, but with a fuzzy feeling in my joints, pulsing very lightly. WHEEE, cheap highs are cool by me. It is going to be a great show, I can feel it, but being in front of all these people I know and respect makes me nervous. I really want people to like what we are doing and I hate the idea of falling flat or friends nodding and saying "yeah, that was really great" just to placate me (and my bandmates) if we are weaksauce. I think it helps me to imagine the worst case scenario. I can't say exactly how this is beneficial at all, but the nervous nellie in me won't shut-up, so I guess I have to make her useful somehow. Even if it is bit of chimera. So, if you haven't looked us up, here we are online: The Visceral

The other day, I stopped by a place I used to haunt all the time. I have made a few appearances lately and although I was rather nervous about peoples reactions to me showing up, things were completely fine, and my worries were for naught. In fact, the sweetest thing happened. A few people there have picked up on the fact that AM and I have been going through some very hard times and that the nature of our relationship is changing and being redefined. I didn't know if people would take sides, shun me, get way too fucking nosey, etc. Consistently people have been graceful and kind (okay there are a few I sorta want to spit on, but I think I wanted to spit on them anyway), letting us figure it out. So, there I was at the bar ordering a beer, standing next to someone I have always liked, but was never particularly close to. He is a middle-age black man, always impeccably dressed and possessing very kind eyes that he hides behind sunglasses. We always say hello and exchange pleasantries/updates and a quick hug. I assumed that day would be no different. We greeted one another and then mid-sentence he stopped, looked at me and said, "Girl, come here. We don't need words, do we?" And then he gave me a hug like never before. It wasn't lecherous, lest you get the wrong idea. It just was supportive, protective and caring. An "actions speak louder than words" moment. I got a little verkelmpt and leaned in. He just held me for a moment and then we smiled at each other and said "yeah."

I have been trying to remember to take my vitamins regularly and always get a kick out of how it turns my pee from pale yellow (I am hydrated, bitches) to sort of NEON pale yellow. I feel like a mutant superhero, or some shit. I AM RADIO-ACTIVE, MUTHAFUCKAS.

I think I have consumed no less than five cups of tea today. Caffeinated tea. Nerves and caffeine is making me want to have an impromptu dance party!! Won't you join me?

1 comment:

Nova said...

The bar scene you mentioned sounds nearly-identical to my Parkway outings since the breakup with Ben. It is inevitable that I will see "his people" (who used to be "our people"), but so far they have been lovely. We engage in normal conversation, catch up on our crazy Tuesday at work (if it is indeed a Tuesday), and sometimes even mention HIS name without either person flinching. It has somewhat restored my faith in humanity...or at least the idea that a relationship can end in a healthy and mature way (rather than sending evil death rays across the bar like I may have done after past relationships).

Point is: Fab blog post :)