Monday, August 4, 2008

Off The Grid

But I am back now.  Not for a lack of things to say or post did I take a few weeks off from blogging.  Mostly I was creepily hoarding all my ideas and words to myself.  Well, myself and AM.  Mental hermit though I may imagine myself, I also happen to be a chatterbox with opinions about  We knew that already.  I shall play catch-up over the next few days and post annoyingly long rants like the following.

let's make a list:

1.  I am gainfully employed!  Having spent the last five months (yes, FIVE) collecting unemployment, getting depressed about not being hired for anything and just generally moping about because I could... I am now a Behavioral Management Consultant.  I thought I was done with the field of behavior analysis, but I got sucked back in again and am pretty excited.  

2. LOOK!  isn't this beautiful?  it is call teatime and you can find it and other lovely pictures here.  Seriously, go.

3.  I can't decide if I adore this carpet idea or really dislike it.  It is from Urban Outfitters and my initial response was "yum", but I am starting to hedge on that....

4. Drugs (the legal kind kids.  Don't get any ideas):  the "Goods and bads" analysis.  I have been on two different drugs for months now to stabilize my mood.  Part of my time off from working was to get the balance right, as there is no exact science to drug combination and dosage amount.  after a few horrific experiences (i.e. seroquel will make you feel like you have lost all control over your motor functions all while having a long lasting panic attack.  I walked into walls, fell into the bathtub, gripped my bed for dear life believing it was spinning and questioned if I was going to make it through the night.  teh suck.  this was just my experience though.) I have made it to the other side and am displaying fairly regulated levels of emotion, energy, and mental control when things get hairy.  These are all very good things.  Of course they are somewhat mitigated by the cons.  Missing a dose (for whatever reason.  forgot to take it, prescription ran out, etc) can be a really bad thing.  Essentially you go into withdrawal like you would with any drug your body is dependent on.  the shakes, the sweats, headaches...  It happened once for me and threw me for a loop.  The experience left me that much less enamored with pharmaceuticals, but once back on the regiment I remembered why I got on them in the first place.  Another bummer are the expected side-effects.  I am now the proud owner of a few extra pounds and sometimes when I sit very still or lay down, I display small tics.  a random muscle will twitch and jump and then not move again until I voluntarily make it.  the weight gain is hard to take and I am starting to exercise again to see if that doesn't get me back to where I want to be.  I miss being skinny.  Don't get me wrong, my curves are wonderful, I simply like when then are defined and accentuated by a nice, tight waistline!  I never fail to be amazed about the 5 pounds all women seem to be convinced they should lose.  I am now apart of that group.
This is all potentially not very exciting to many, but hell it is my blog and only like 2 people read it, so what the fuck do I care?  The point I want to make and have been mulling over in my head is that although taking medication can be a drag, the benefits really are so important.  I guess I need to remind myself of that by writing it where it can be seen.

5. I made this.  old LP+oven+mad skillz = nifty bowl.

6.  Laughter and truth.  This has been all over, but I can't resist reposting.  If you need to enhance to see it better get a magnifying glass.  sheesh, do I have to do everything for you?

7.  I am fairly certain that I need this:
and this:
and a view of this.  from the bedroom.
I am really craving the coast and the morning mist.  Sacramento has been beautiful the last two weeks, so I probably shouldn't complain.  We have been lucky enough to have nights that cool down so we can turn off the AC and open the windows so the breeze runs through the house.  I love that feeling of cool air on my as I drift off to sleep...  

8.  another good laugh.

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